PANDEMIC HAMSTERS

Injustice? Or our own damn fault? Have you been reading about the theories surrounding the swine flu pandemic in the Ukraine? There are many who believe that what’s going on there is not actually the H1N1 / Swine Flu, its bio-terrorism resulting in a violent strain of the pneumonic plaque, and it’s only a small sampling of the injustice that’s yet to come. You know the old story, governments release a horrible disease on the world, people are sick, dying, martial law takes effect – all in an effort to distract us from the fact that it’s being done to weed out enough of the population to ease the economic burden all of these people are inflicting upon the world, while shifting the currency standard away from the greatly devalued US dollar to the Amero, or perhaps the Renminbi. Nothing like a worldwide outbreak of a deadly disease to take peoples eyes off the ball. Yup, a case of exploding lungs can go a long way to cause folks to let their guard down to what’s being done around them. A diversion tactic of the highest order. Here in America however, we’ve proven it really doesn’t take as much as an incurable worldwide plaque to distract us. For example – of great concern right now is the fact that parents are having a difficult time finding Zhu Zhu Pets to put under the tree or bush this coming Holiday season. Zhu Zhu Pets are effectively battery operated hamsters that are about as close as one can get to an actual hamster experience without having to own a living, breathing hamster. They come in an assortment of whimsical colors and sport cute names like Mr. Squiggles and Chunky White. I shit you not. People are going insane looking for these fucking fake hamsters – already spending more than four times their original retail cost if they’re able to find them, $40, $50, $60.00 each. For sixty bucks you can sashay down to the local pet store, buy a whole family of live genuine hamsters, enough food for a year, a habitrail wonderland and maybe even a few gerbils and a turtle. But, the Zhu Zhu shortage is a great concern today for a vast majority of our materialistic populace. The systematic elimination of a greater majority of the world’s citizens be damned. Yup – we really apparently need an electronic hamster. Every year there seems to always be one very hot toy for the holidays. Remember Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle-Me Elmo, Gonorrhea Gabby? This year it’s a robot hamster. Go figure. At least this year there’s a logical explanation to the shortage. It’s the economy. Retailers are slow as shit, and they didn’t want to get stuck on December 26th with a warehouse full of unsold hamsters, so they limited their advance orders. All of sudden, we, as a strong, advanced nation decide that we’re tired of Elmo and real living hamsters, we’d like some cheaply made synthetic furred fake ones with AAA batteries (not included) shoved in their ass. Who knew? Hence the shortage. Sort of makes you miss the days when if they were out of Hula-Hoops, you’d be happy with a Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robots toy. If the stores were out of the Robots, a Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head served you well. If there were no more Potato Heads, at least you didn’t have the internet to tell you that there’s bio-terroristic activities being perpetrated in order to reposition our economic society for the sole benefit of the World Bank. Maybe that’s a little too strong of an analogy, but you get my point. We’re just too easily distracted. Do we really need a pneumonic epidemic to turn our attention inward? Or would a small army of battery-operated hamsters suffice? My guess, is that’s somewhere in the middle. Either way – save Renminbi, get a real hamster this holiday season. If it all falls to hell, they go great with Saltines.