EBAY

 

I’ve been a registered user of eBay for over eleven years.  I have a perfect feedback rating.  I’m primarily a seller, but I buy things from time to time.  Not a big time dealer, but I am a “Powerseller” as well as a “Top Rated Seller” due to my positive reviews.  Every few months I get a burst of energy and put together a bunch of ads and list some items for sale.  I’ve mainly dealt in sports cards and some collectibles – I’ve also used it to get rid of stuff when we clean out a closet.

It’s strictly a part time thing, good for a few extra bucks here and there.  From time to time however, it screams loudly to me the primary reason I could never work in retail again.  Dealing with the general public takes a very thick skin and more patience than I could ever possess.  People, in a retail transaction, often take advantage of most any opportunity to show what complete morons they can be.

eBay has consistently made great advancements in making the use of their site easier, and there’s no doubt that they give you the unique opportunity to reach literally millions upon millions of potential customers.  Truth is, pretty much no matter what you’re looking for, you can find it on eBay.

Need a pair of purple plastic shoes for an angry clown with a club foot?  You’ll find it on eBay.

Need a genuine Ed Asner back hair comb? You’ll find it on eBay.

Looking for a first edition copy of “Shit My Brother Never Told Me” by Ted Kennedy?  You’ll find it on eBay.

Unfortunately, as a seller, so too can you find some of our species most obnoxious individuals.  You see eBay goes to great lengths to make certain that the people who are selling their wares on the site are honest and above board.  That’s a good thing, but in many cases it puts all the power in the buyer’s hands and sometimes sellers have to take the old adage of “the customer is always right” to an extreme.  Often, one simple complaint or bit of negative feedback can negate years of excellent customer service.  So a seller will usually just give in to a ludicrous demand to avoid that possibility.

One asshole customer recently really chapped my gherkins.

The excrement sucking fucktard had purchased a CD from me that was brand new – never opened.  It was still in the original wrapping from the factory.  Unfortunately, there was a black pen mark on the back of the CD sleeve.  I didn’t notice it at all – so it was obviously quite small.  This small mark however seemed to throw this particular fussy fucker into a rage.  She sat down and fired off a venom filled tirade into my e-mail box about her immense displeasure with this and how dare I create such a tragic situation for her to have to deal with! If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought that I’d sold the offending CD to Gary Coleman.

I quickly and politely replied that if she was displeased with her purchase that I always offer a refund upon the return of the item, and that since this black mark would be a significant deterrent to her enjoyment of the music on the CD contained therein that I would be happy to refund her money, all six dollars of it.  I even went so far as to apologize for my inexcusable oversight, and promised her that I’d gladly lop off my right arm with a rusty hacksaw should it ever happen again.  

This was not good enough for her.  She again lambasted me about the stress this was causing in her life and refused to return the item to me, she simply wanted her money back, no questions asked.  Apparently I owed her a freebie due to the trauma she had encountered and all this time I’ve stolen from her pathetic life due to this unforgivable action on my part. 

My return policy is clearly stated on all of my ads and on each invoice that goes out.  It’s clear and concise and I guarantee satisfaction because if you’re not happy – I’ll refund your money, but you have to return the item.  If not, then it’s, what’s the word…uh….theft? 

 

I really could care less about the six bucks, so I refunded the money via PayPal, even including an extra couple of bucks for return postage and again politely asked the miscreant to return the item to me.  I don’t know, in my world – if a seller refunds your money due to your not being satisfied with an item you’ve purchased, you’ve got to return the item.  This clown ass shithead obviously lives in another world, and she refused once again to return the item.  Instead of just sticking the fucking disc in an envelope and returning it to me, she preferred to take the time to send me a manifesto explaining how she would prefer to just put this whole horrible incident behind her, as she undoubtedly has been losing sleep and probably withholding her womanly favors from her blind vegetative husband.  Most likely she now spends her nights wandering aimlessly about the trailer, kicking the assorted cats that litter the floor and wondering if sleep will ever come.

She’s attempting to deter me by threatening to notify eBay of my illicit listings and not properly describing every little nick and scratch on a $6.00 item.  Of course, as a seller, once I refund a customer’s money for any reason, eBay considers the transaction cancelled, and short of hunting the bitch down and pointing and laughing at her sad attempts to navigate an anger management class, there’s no action that they’d consider taking.

I know I’ll never get the item back, and I don’t really care, I have better things to do than get into an e-mail war with an ill-tempered cretin with a blazing yeast infection.  Besides, I can always let off a little steam by sharing this shit with you.

It is amazing though to find the stupid pointless issues that can throw people into a rage.  It’s good to know that I can look at people like that and laugh at them – and better yet, point out their idiocy in the hopes that others rise up and stomp them out.